Subject: Gossip
Dear Righteous Rapper:
Our church has had a hard six months. A lot of the student leaders are frustrated with the way these difficult times have affected the youth group, and we've talked about it. Our youth leader recently told us we shouldn't be gossiping about our frustrations. I'm not bad-mouthing anyone, but I have confided in others about how I'm feeling. Is sharing my feelings the same as gossiping? I don't want to sin just so I can vent.
---Flustered but Faithful
Dear Flustered:
I'm glad you're concerned about gossip. I think it shows a real maturity and a desire to grow in your walk with God.
I can't judge if you were gossiping or not. But I tend to believe that there can be a grain of truth in most criticisms. What part of your youth leader's concern about gossip might be accurate? Did any of your conversations go beyond being a healthy discussion of what was happening? Did you start to attack specific people instead of just sharing your general concerns about the problem?
As your youth leader said, gossip destroys people instead of building them up. In fact, Paul places gossip on the same line as murder and deceit when he describes sin in Romans 1:20. The book of Proverbs is filled with insights into gossip: "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates friends" (Proverbs 16:28 NIV).
It is not always easy to stop gossiping because it's easy to get caught up in the moment—especially when everyone else is letting the gossip fly. We may not even realize we are tearing others down with our words.
But the right thing to do is to pray that God would help us to be aware of our words and to keep them from causing damage to others. That is the key question: Are my words helping me in this situation or just pointing out the bad so others know it? When I don't know, I ask myself, "Why am I doing this? Is it to make myself look better? To make someone else look bad?"
We all need a time and place to vent. One of the best ways I've found to share feelings, frustrations and thoughts is an accountability friend. I have a safe place to share my joys, struggles and prayer requests. This is a safe place where I can share my feelings.
I know the things I say will be held in confidence. Some of the problems you might be having with the appearance of gossip would be greatly reduced if you had a support group or person. In a group of two to six people, you could freely talk things out. I'd encourage you to run this idea by your youth leader and fellow student leaders.
Love In Christ
--The Righteous Rapper
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